Gripe No. 74: Drinking fountains not working at disc golf courses

Water.

It’s everywhere.

Seventy-one percent of the Earth is covered in it.

Your body is made up of 60% of it, too.

But you know where it frequently isn’t?

Coming out of virtually every single drinking fountain on every single disc golf course on the planet when it’s hotter than h*ck. If you’re part of a parks department or know of somebody who cosplays as Leslie Knope during the workweek, please share this concern – it’s an urgent matter.

I understand this could be a Utah problem, but I find that hard to believe. During the fall and winter, I get it – frozen pipes are a problem. I cut my sprinklers; the city cuts its water fountains.

Understandable.

But when the weather starts to get warmer, turn those suckers back on – and make sure they actually work, while you’re at it. During the early spring, the weather’s usually cool enough to get by on a single Nalgene. But come the dehydration-inducing groin-kick that is July and August, safe disc golf isn’t merely a matter of screaming “Fore!” after an ugly huck …

It’s drinking water, too.

Listen, I’m the guy who’s (somehow) found a way to make fun of thirst-quenching in disc golf.

Camelbak-equipped disc golf bags make the game seem more like a hike through the Sahara than a walk in the park – which it quite literally is, by the way. And those over-the-shoulder bags and backpacks that come with a ridiculous, six-pack cooler insert speak volumes about the sometimes iffy culture of the game I’ve come to love over the past pair of decades …

But drinking water?

EVERY human has a right to it …

And to the clean stuff, might I add.

This includes disc golfers, of course. Even those who’ve not yet learned the importance of the “pack-it-in, pack-it-out” philosophy. Again, nine times out of 10, the 32-ounce water bottle you rock is enough to get the job done during a casual round. But on dangerously hot days and during lengthy, backup-plagued C-tiers, it’s nice to know you can refill your go-to guzzler, if necessary.

As to the cleanliness of drinking fountains at public disc golf courses, based on what I’ve seen the homeless and shamelessly inebriated do on a couple of occasions, I’m confident most could be condemned by the board of health. But that’s a topic for another day – one issue at a time.

Get a good night’s sleep. Eat your fruits and vegetables.

Drink more water.

Good advice for us all.

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