Disc golf: Evergreen trees are disc-eating monsters

Do you remember Larry Fitzgerald?

If you love NFL football, he’s hard to forget.

Drafted by the Arizona Cardinals back in 2004, he went on to play 17 seasons at wide receiver for the franchise. I’m not massive on numbers, but the guy lays claim to one of the nuttiest stats I’ve ever encountered in my life, irrespective of the sport. I can’t think of a better one, honestly.

In 17 years, Fitz was targeted 2,111 times. Out of those targets, he dropped the ball a total of 29 times – that’s not a typo. This means Larry dropped the ball less than 2% of the time an accurate pass was thrown his way. As if that weren’t impressive enough, here’s what’s wildest of all …

When he finally hung up his cleats after 17 years, he had 27 tackles to his name. From the offensive side of the ball – as a receiver. That’s right: He had more tackles than dropped passes.

You don’t have to know football to know that’s insane.

Canton is calling.

But this is a disc golf blog.

On the disc golf course, allow me to introduce you to who I consider to be our sport’s version of Mr. Fitzgerald. Or rather, what I consider to be our sport’s version of the future hall-of-famer …

The evergreen tree.

There is nothing I fear more than an evergreen tree when stepping up to a tee box. Not because of sap or allergies or rogue, rabid squirrels – nothing of the sort. I have nightmares about them, because when a disc inadvertently finds its way into the branches of one, it’s staying up there.

For good.

R.I.P. 2019 Sexybird.

Gone, but not forgotten.

Combined with millions of pine needles, those branches grab discs and don’t let go. Footballs and receiver gloves; frisbees and pinecones – it’s all the same to me. Further grinding salt into the proverbial wound that is a lost golf disc are three tough-to-swallow aspects of the evergreen:

• As the name indicates, their prickly needles have no off-season.
• They’re skyscraper trees, which seem to attract over-the-top spike hyzers.
• Worst of all, because of the first two bullets, it’s not uncommon to lose a disc …

And see it from the ground.

In this tragic situation, it’s the evergreen’s potent combination of height and branch density that leaves you praying a heavy snowstorm knocks it down in the coming days, weeks or months.

That’s torture.

Great for Christmas. Awful for golf discs.

THAT is the evergreen.

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