5 timeless ways to insult poor play on a disc golf course

I insult, because I care.

In all seriousness, when it comes to disc golf, the only people I’m hurling marginally hurtful words at are close family and friends. By chance would you be interested in doing the same?

These five insults aren’t new or unique …

They’re timeless.

Use them wisely.

1. ‘Nice up.’

Outside of 45 feet from the basket, this insult loses its sting.

The putt MUST be makeable for it to work.

Air-mailing a lengthy bid is just fine, but landing it 10 feet short of the pin is criminal. Especially when everything about the time, effort and energy you put into your putting routine indicated to onlookers that you were going for glory. Should this happen, hit your gutless buddy with it …

Burn.

Also, “nice” is a great adjective, but mix things up a bit:

• “Bold”
• “Cute”
• “Clutch”

Inject your own flavor into this insult.

I highly recommend it.

2. ‘It’s still you.’

Salt, meet Wound.

This one works best in two settings:

• Scene No. 1 – Your cardmate throws his third shot before you throw your second.
• Scene No. 2 – Your cardmate sails his putt long of the basket and must putt again.

In most one-on-one sporting endeavors, there’s a you-then-me approach: chess, curling, cornhole, table tennis, pickleball, etc. In disc golf, should a comrade’s shot be so awful that the entire system is disrupted, it’s well within your rights as a smart-arse to make it known …

“Your shot was THAT bad, man …”

Go again.

3. ‘That’ll bogey.’

In disc golf, it’s common to say:

• “That’ll par.”
• “That’ll birdie.”

This is the painful version of that.

Hurled correctly, this insult is most effective immediately following a horrific drive off the tee. It indicates to the recipient that, no matter how good you think your scrambling ability is, bound by the laws of physics, there’s no miracle shot capable of resurrecting a par, let alone a birdie.

You’re doomed.

Enjoy your plus-one, at best.

4. ‘Get in the hole.’

Here’s another one that’s best-served fresh off the tee …

And with a sizable side of sarcasm, of course.

This insult’s powerful, because it plays off the thrill of tracking a mid-flight frisbee en route to (potentially) smashing chains. Whether the thrower, a cardmate or a member of the gallery, there’s a level of excitement that builds from possibly witnessing a rarity in disc golf.

The one-time.

The opposite of that kind of suspense is smashing a first-available tree, falling off the front of a teepad or nearly killing an innocent bystander with a skull-seeking shank-job. As opposed to intrigue, it brings about shame, embarrassment and a desire for the sweet release of death.

Also, this insult.

5. ‘Which basket are we going for again?’

I have thick skin.

It’s hard to offend me.

This one gets me WAY bent out of shape, though.

As you’re likely aware, on a disc golf course, it’s not uncommon to see more than one basket from a teepad. However, assuming the course and corresponding tee signs are designed properly, it should be obvious as to which pin you’re targeting. This simple, douchey quip smarts when it’s intentional, but it’s even more painful when the orator genuinely doesn’t know where to throw …

And all because of you.

And your sucky huck.

* Honorable Mention: “It could’ve been worse” is always a nice touch after a trash toss.

Remember …

It’s nice to consistently rub others’ faces in their poor play, but to keep things fun, fresh and light, don’t be afraid to lay one of the aforementioned insults on yourself from time to time.

It makes for more enjoyable disc golf.

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